"An object that is not moving will not move until a force acts upon it."-Sir Isaac Newton
My xmas holiday was spent in unbelievable, delicious idleness. Sleeping well past noon, eating cupcakes, cookies, and some heavy leftovers for brunch, sitting around on the couch, taking a mid-afternoon nap, going out to shop for a couple of hours, coming back and eating a delicious, carb-packed meal, taking an after-dinner nap, watching tv, snacking on leftovers and holiday goodies left lying around on the kitchen counter, and then going to sleep for about 12 hours. I went on the elliptical trainer every other day, which is pretty good (for me), but it hardly made a dent given the amount of calories I was consuming. To sum up, I've probably gained about 10lbs since the xmas season started at Thanksgiving.
Now, as a relatively tiny person, I find it weird, uncomfortable, and basically unnecessary to worry about or even discuss my weight. But the undeniable fact is my pants are way too tight now. It's uncomfortable. I bought some new jeans, but they're kind of too big, and rather than growing into them i'd like to get back to where i was so all my current clothes fit right again. Besides that, I know that staying in an idle state for a long time makes you more and more inclined to sleep...until you're sleeping all the time. I've reverted to some bad habits that I maintained for many years, and I want to break them before i'm unable to stay awake for more than a 4-hour stretch.
But this is going to involve a whole lifestyle change. My pattern is to have a feeling of anxiety when I think I might be deprived of sleep. I need it, I say, I need 8 hours every single night in order to function. For a while, I would get so nervous about not falling asleep in time to get my 8 hours, I would be unable to fall asleep at all from the anxiety of thinking I wouldn't get enough sleep. I took Ambien for this for a while, which is some weird shit, then switched to Melatonin, which is much nicer because it's a naturally occurring compound in your body that also helps you wake up, among other great things. But recently my inclination has become, "Sleep all the time!!!" If I get tired during the day, particularly on weekends filled with sitting around, I need a nap. Curses on anyone who tries to get in my way. And when I'm bored, I get an overwhelming feeling of exhaustion. I've been falling asleep at work almost every day for the last two months, even though I get plenty of sleep every night. Cold weather makes me want to hibernate. And inactivity makes you colder...am I seeing a cycle here?
Exercise for at least 20 minutes a day 6 days a week.
It's been pretty stick-to-able so far. I've been doing it for the last week in the evenings and I'm already feeling more awake, feeling like i need to get up and move around at work rather than just sit in my chair, wanting to run and be active, feeling wakeful at night if i take a nap in the afternoon. Things are starting to right themselves. I'm starting to need activity, the way healthy people do.
Becoming regularly active after years of lethargy is hard. It's hard because sleep is your friend, your cuddlebunny, your lifestyle. The same thing with depression. It becomes so familiar that it's hard to imagine letting go of it. You feel unready for wakefulness, for dealing with the world. Thinking about going to the grocery store exhausts you. Everything seems overwhelming. Time for another nap!
Not this time.
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